In Love Part 2 Our Love Story

Wow....so much has happened I'm not quite sure where to begin. I'll warn you now that music will be found here.Those of you who know me or have read my blog since it began know that this kinda thing....I never saw coming. No way. I've been married and divorced. I was in a long term abusive relationship for years. I've been through hell and back with matters of the heart. This isn't something I take lightly.

So with that said, I'll start with the very best part of 2010 when I took a leap with No Fear.

Back in August, I (along with my very bestest friend, Berleen), made a decision that I was going to stop being afraid of seeing what was out there. Maybe, just maybe I'd meet a really great guy....it could happen....right? I'd never know if I didn't put myself out there. I felt confident that I'd probably find nobody. Then again, it couldn't hurt to look or talk to people? I know, kind of a bad attitude to have but I was playing it cool and trying not to get my hopes up for anything. It's almost what I felt I had to do in order to keep myself guarded from assholes like I'd run into in past. So I went for it. I think back now and I swear I initially felt like I was walking into the middle of a battlefield fully geared and ready to quickly squish any creeper that approached. LOL Now, that being said I certainly didn't come off as bitchy or anything but mentally I was ready for just about anything.Yet what I found...God what I found...

What I found was anything but what I was expecting. From our long, and I do mean long talks on the phone, to our emails back and forth.....Wow! I'd heard of this happening before but was it possible....for me? Was it really possible to meet someone who I had so much in common with? Someone who seemed to "get me" from the word go? Someone who was genuine and real. Someone who puts his child first and foremost above anything else and who understands that I do the same for mine. I could go on and on. No way, is all I could think....shock, delight, disbelief, amazement, waiting for the other shoe to drop, yet a permanent smile plastered across my face. You could have punched me in the head and I wouldn't have flinched. Even now! Wanna try? Go for it because it wont phase me. I might hit you back of course but I'd do it with a smile. LOL After talking for quite some time over the phone and through emails and instant messages, we decided to finally meet face to face.

I wasn't nervous right away. On the drive to meet him I was fine. No worries, no freaking out. I was good. Perfectly calm, cool, and collected with no greater expectations even though we seemed to really click. It's always completely different meeting face to face vs over the phone or online. I don't think anyone ever really knows what to expect. The closer I got to where we were going to meet....the nerves kicked in. Oh hell yes they did! I had to attempt meditation while driving in order to calm my nerves. LOL Let me tell you....it's not so easy to just concentrate on your breathing and slow it down when you're driving and know full well you're getting closer and closer and...I'm here! From the very second I laid eyes on him, I was immediately calm. Weird right? We sat and talked over coffee like it was no big deal. Like we had been in each others company forever. There was no awkwardness at all. We clicked in person as much as we did over the phone! We talked and talked until we both realized how late it was (4 hours later) and had to go our separate ways. I remember the drive home like it was yesterday. All I could think about was him and how I couldn't wait to see him again. Although the only difference from any other day, because I thought about him constantly before then was the "seeing" him part.

We met up again about a week later. I was rushing and went to the wrong place. Yes I'm a complete Gomer and felt like one then too. He was very sweet about it and told me to just stay there and he'd come to me. Once he got there we decided to go up the road to AppleBees. We sat in his truck for awhile just talking before we went inside and talked some more. Again with the whole clicking thing. We just kept clicking on so many levels with damn near everything. Amazing. Just amazing and in awe and just wow! While we were talking I got a text from asshat. apparently my facial expression changed where he could see something had bothered me. So he asked me if I was alright or if something happened. The text was nothing major but I was annoyed because asshat knew I was going out and of course just couldn't resist. Or at least that's how I saw it. We talked a little about it. In that conversation, I found myself calm...not annoyed by the text (usually I would have been annoyed for longer than 30 seconds), not anything other than hanging on his every word, his smile, his reactions, etc. I sit here smiling now just remembering it. My Mom had called at one point (another 4 hours later) and told me that my youngest was getting tired and I should probably head for home soon. He drove me to my minivan (I have 4 kids, I need a small bus back off me LOL) down the road and we talked a bit more in his truck. We talked about....k honestly, it's a bit of a blur. I remember "not thinking" coming up...a few times...God i wanted to kiss him....there's that not thinking thing again....finally (it didn't take long but in a way it did because I'm a dork) he said "come here"...Well alrighty then! I leaned over and.... There he was, lips on mine. Perfect...and choirs of angels sang (not really but....you always hear about fireworks so I had to throw something else in there :P).....you get the picture. I didn't wanna leave! I could have spent the rest of the night just kissing him. Sadly, I had to go....and believe me I was a little sad. 

faith hill "this kiss" @ Yahoo! Video

Needless to say we did see each other again... and again... and....well, you get the idea. In fact we rang in the New Year together. It was the best New Years I think I have ever had. I'm not usually into New Years. there's usually a bunch of idiots on the roads and, well...I'll say it, I'm older now so partying until the wee hours of the morning isn't a big thrill for me. However, that being said....I was up until the wee hours of the morning and the best part of it was waking up next to my love. Seeing his face and feeling his arms around me....heavenly. Absolutely one of my very favorite places in the world to be.

 I can honestly say that I am the happiest I have ever been aside from the birth of my children. What's more is that I know it, I feel it but others who are close to me can see it too. Those who have been there right along with me through the best and worst of times have said that they have never seen me this happy. He's simply amazing in every way. I can't even put into words how he makes me feel because there are no words in any dictionary to even come close to describing it. We're absolutely and completely in love, happy and look forward to all that our future holds. The future we've both dreamed of and at one point in time in our lives,  believed to be unattainable. When we look at each other, we see our future. I can't even begin to tell you about all the talks we've had about our future and what we both want and know we will see, together. All I know is this, no matter what life throws at us...we'll get through it, together. We know that we will be together for the rest of our lives. The level of certainty, the sense of knowing...neither one of us can describe, and that's okay. We just know.

One might question if "The One" truly exists, I use to wonder that. I thought I was destined to be alone the rest of my life. I didn't think anyone could tear down the wall I had built around my heart. I didn't think anyone would want to even try to get through it. He did...and it was almost effortless because of who he is. Who is he? What makes him so special? He's my other half. The one I've waited for and wanted all of my life. How do I know he is the one? I can't explain it other than to say that when "The One" finds you...you just know. You know because it is unlike anything you have ever felt before in your life. There is no comparison. It's not a typical crush kinda feeling. It's not an easy "I Love You". It's probably the hardest first I Love You to speak because it means and feels so much more than what we have become accustomed to with I Love You's. It's so much more than I Love You. It's an indescribable feeling, it's words that don't exist because Love alone doesn't cover it.I could go on and on and try to find a way to explain it just right. I could try to find a way to describe the feeling just right but again....there are no words to describe something so perfect. I'm sure there are a lot of hurt people out there who feel like their hearts have been turned cold and I can't blame you for that. I used to feel that way. I used to feel like God himself would have to kick my ass to open my eyes and see that there is this guy and he's everything to you, you just don't know it yet. Guess what? God didn't have to come down from the Heavens to kick my ass.....or did he? Maybe having gone through all the bullshit I have known in my life was just preparing me for when the time was right? Maybe that's how it happens for some of us. Maybe? Maybe not? Thought provoking huh? LOL Sorry! I tend to do that kinda thing from time to time. I know after reading all of this some might think because of the 3 specific days I wrote about that I'm an idiot but there's so much more than that in between those times and from then to now. Those are just the 3 days I chose. I could write about every day since the day we first so much as sent a simple message on the computer. Don't doubt me, I'll do it LOL